Epitaph
by Zhe01
Summary: Tatsumi's bleeding lullabies. TatsumiTsuzuki
1. Betrayal

**Tatsumi watches Tsuzuki sleep.**

Here I go breaking another promise I made to myself.

I promised myself to never be the source of your sadness, yet I cause you so many tears just by trying not to.

I promised myself that I would get over you, but I break that promise every time I look into your eyes.

I promised myself that I would protect you, be your pillar from afar, so that you wouldn't cry anymore, yet you still despair and cry rivers.

I promised myself that I would never think indecently of you, yet I cannot stop loving your body even when you sleep.

I promised myself I would stop being so close, but a gravitational force keeps pulling and thrusting me mercilessly towards you, and I crash every time.

I promise that you would cease to affect me so easily with high intensity, yet I still yearn to hear your divine laughter to remain in-check.

I promised myself to stop dreaming of you, but I fail miserably, even in my wake.

You, Tsuzuki-kun, will always be my oxygen, my suffocation, and ultimate downfall.

You are my heart, my soul is yours. My breath, your guide. My sanity. Your life. My death. Yours, mine, ours.

I promised myself I would stop thinking of you and longing to just see you or simply hear your voice, if only for a moment… and here I go breaking that promise too.


	2. Solace

**In the midst of tension, I find solace.**

He kneeled on one knee and traced the engraved words on the stone. _Evil man, your hands… they are stained with innocent blood._ A memory of a tortured cry forced his eyes shut._ You still bring tears and misery to those you love the most, yet here you lie, dead. You don't even deserve memory._

His eyes opened to a sweet voice uttering, "I love you!" _Even if it was out of happiness to promised dessert…_ He turned back to the stone. _Murderer, do you even deserve that? Your hands are stained with blood, your mother's blood, no less. Do you even deserve that pathetic one-sided affair with your __**colleague**__? You make him cry too, rivers, and then you abandoned him – that's worse than killing – it keeps the wound bleeding, lungs breathing and the heart painfully beating. You evil, __**evil**__ man! Are you even human yourself?_

He stood.

_Tsuzuki… Your death would have been my ultimate punishment, you know,_ he thought, look up at the sky. _An immortal life without you… the mere memory of your smile would kill me over and over._

_Keeping you suffering alive and near is selfish, and I am selfish. I'd rather have you alive and miserable than not have you at all. I am indeed the villain. It's me who is evil, not Muraki. I am the one you should blame. I am the guilty of this court._

_A murderer, a selfish evil coward… How many more sins can my need for you bring me to committing? How many more tears of yours are going to jab at my heart? How many painful cries, Tsuzuki? Hm?_

_No matter. _He looked back down at the stone. _I'm done with __**you**_ "Goodbye, dead man."

He walked out of the graveyard as his phone rang.

He smiled at the caller's ID.

"Hello?"

His smile widened.

"No Tsuzuki, you may not have a week off to celebrate Eid with the Muslims, no matter how pure your intentions are."

He kept walking away from the graveyard.

"You may not have 6 days off either, Tsuzuki… nor 5… nor 4…"


	3. Reason

**Why does he do these things?**

Tatsumi sighed, pausing at the doors of the ministry. _Another day._ He walked in. The rays passing through the glasses made surreal images on the walls and lead the way towards the Summons Section of the Judgment Bureau. He walked through the door and into the offices.

"Good morning, Tatsumi."

"Good morning, Tsuzuki."

He walked into his office and hung his coat and suit jacket then started loosening his tie before freezing. _Good morning... Tsuzuki? _He turned, pushing the door ajar and cocked his head to the side.

"Tsuzuki..."

"Yes?" Tsuzuki said, looking up.

"What are you doing here?"

"What do you mean? I work here..."

"Yes but not even Watari is in yet."

"I know, he should be here in a few minutes," Tsuzuki said, smiling.

"But... you're early...?"

Tsuzuki laughed. "Believe it or not!"

Tatsumi shook his head. "Tsuzuki, is something wrong?"

"Don't... Don't look at a gift-horse in the mouth, Tatsumi. I'm here."

There was something foreign in Tsuzuki's eyes. Tatsumi observed him as he went back to writing. _Something_ is_ wrong._ "I have a morning errand. Do you want to join me?" he said, as nonchalantly as he could, going back in towards the coat hanger as slowly and quietly as possible, in case Tsuzuki's reply came low.

"I have to finish these for you. At this rate, they'll only be three hours late."

It he wasn't so worried, Tatsumi would be deadpanning into the wall as soon as he heard that. _I can't believe I'm going to say this. _"Don't worry about it, Tsuzuki, you can hand them in tomorrow if you decide to join me."

Tsuzuki finally looked up just as Tatsumi was putting his coat on and composing himself. _Come on, Tsuzuki. Say 'yes' and spare me the embarrassment..._

"Chief Konoe is sending me to field tomorrow."

"He is?" Tatsumi asked, pausing.

Tsuzuki shrugged.

Tatsumi frowned unconsciously. _Why wasn't I told this? _"No one told me anything."

"He told me last night. It's going to be for a week. Just a week."

Tatsumi stood and watched Tsuzuki. _He's not even looking up._ He took a step forward. "Kurosaki will be there too, right?"

Tsuzuki nodded and reached into a file on the desk, a sniffle escaping him.

Tatsumi cocked his head again. "Are you well?"

"Wha...?" Tsuzuki looked up before shaking his head. "Oh. I've got some flu I think," he chuckled before returning to his work.

_Anyone else would actually believe you're trying to behave for some favour and actually working through sickness, Tsuzuki. But I'm not anyone else and you don't fool me._

"Get up."

Tsuzuki jumped. "Huh?"

"I told you to get up, Tsuzuki."

"But Tatsumi-"

"Don't but Tatsumi me," he said, pulling Tsuzuki's coat from the hanger next to the door.

Tsuzuki blinked but stood, blanking out.

"Here," Tatsumi said, bringing Tsuzuki's coat. "Put this on and follow me."

Tsuzuki looked at the coat and took it.

Minutes later, they walked down some road.

Tatsumi glanced at Tsuzuki occasionally as they walked down the street while snow was falling around them. _Come on, Tsuzuki, work with me here._ "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"What?" Tsuzuki said, snapping out of his thought stream.

"Let's go in here."

They walked into a cafe and took off their coats. The scents immediately hit their senses.

Tatsumi hummed in satisfaction. "It's warm in here. Would you like anything?"

"Uhm... no thanks."

_Why did that feel like a slap on the face, Tsuzuki?_ "Ok. Find a seat and I'll be right back."

Tsuzuki nodded.

Tatsumi quickly turned and went to the counter, unable to breath at the sight of Tsuzuki anymore. He looked through the items behind the glass.

"May I help you, sir?"

He glanced up. "Uh, actually, yes. I'd like..."

Tatsumi made the order and waited at the counter.

"That will be 4,505 Yen, please."

Tatsumi nodded and paid.

"Thank you."

Tatsumi turned and looked for Tsuzuki sitting on the couch on the corner in front of the large front window. _Why the sad eyes?_

"Excuse me, sir."

He turned.

"Enjoy your drinks," the waitress said, pushing the tray towards him.

"Oh, thank you," he said, carrying the tray off the counter.

"You're welcome!" she said, smiling.

While Tsuzuki sat, staring out through the window, Tatsumi set the items on the table and gave the tray to the passing weighter before sitting.

"That's a nice spot," Tatsumi said.

"Hm?" Tsuzuki turned to him, as if in a trance, before jerking back to wake.

Tatsumi carried the teacup to his lips. _I'm going to go ahead a intertain that 'silence is a virtue' line._ He set the teacup back down and sat back. _10. 9. 8. 7._

Tsuzuki sniffled again.

_6. 5. 4. 3._

Tsuzuki's eyes returned to the window, already shadowed once more.

He pursed his lips before frowning. _2._ He exhaled. _1. No._ "Tsuzuki, what's wrong?"

Tsuzuki turned back to him. "Hm?"

"What is wrong?"

"With what?"

"You came in so early, that you started working before I even arrived. You said you preferred work to doing anything else offered. You keep drifting off and your eyes don't shine. You have hot chocolate, double whip cream, chocolate powdered, and a strawberry tart with big fresh strawberries and a lot of whip cream, and you didn't even look."

Tsuzuki looked down. "Oh. I... Thank you, Tatsumi..."

Tatsumi watched Tsuzuki'a face attempt a cheer, but sawas every muscle twitched to a fail. "Forget it. If you want to go back, we'll go back." _I can't take this. It's too much. _He stood, reaching for his coat, but the heaviness in his hand stopped him.

"Tatsumi..."

Tatsumi looked at Tsuzuki, who was still avoiding his eyes, returned his coat over his seat and straightened up. The hand let go of his sleeve. Took a step forward and lowered himself. "Tsuzuki, what's wrong?"

"I... I don't want to go tomorrow."

"You can't let Kurosaki go alone, Tsuzuki, he's your partner."

"I... I know... I'm sorry."

"This doesn't suit you."

Tsuzuki's eyes finally met his. "What?"

"This... neatness." Tatsumi reached and unbuttoned Tsuzuki's wrist collars, pulling them towards his elbow.

Tsuzki quietly watched Tatsumi pull up his sleeves then unbutton the top two buttons on his shirt. His eyes fell on Tatsumi looking back at him then standing straight.

For the final effect, Tatsumi brushed his fingers through Tsuzuki's hair and ruffled a little.

"Hey I do _not_ come to work that messy."

Tatsumi gave him a meaningful look before he took his seat once more.

"Sometimes."

Tatsumi smiled.

Tsuzuki looked down. "Oh man, I hope this didn't get cold!" he said, holding the hot chocolate cup.

Tatsumi sat back, relaxing. _Shiney eyes._

"Oh this is so good, Tatsumi! You should try this!!"

Tatumi's smile grew when Tsuzuki's eyes closed to the freshness of the strawberry he was munching on.

"Oh so good..." Tsuzuki ate off some of the whip cream on the hot chocolate and drank some. "Oh..."

Tatsumi snorted.

An hour later, they found themselves walking back up the street.

"I don't know why you do this, Tatsumi," Tsuzuki said before they teleported to Meifu.

Upon walking in, the whole office fell to complete silence.

"Tatsumi!"

"Goodmorning," he said, walking in.

"Oh my god, Tatsumi! We're late!" Tsuzuki exclaimed in realization. "No, wait. We weren't... we saw us!"

"Mr. Hajime, Ms. Wakaba, Chief Konoe, please come into my office," Tatsumi said, walking directly into his office. The other three shuffled their ways towards the room from different corners.

"Wah!" Tsuzki exclaimed, rubbing his head from where a paperfile hit him. "Hisoka is so mean!"

"You fool! Did you finish the report?"

"No... Tatsumi said I can give it to him tomorrow."

"We're on field tomorrow, you idiot!"

"Then sucks for Tatsumi!" Tsuzuki complained and ran to the lab. "Watari!"

Hisoka exhaled.

A few mintues later, Kannuki Wakaba, Terazuma Hajime and Chief Konoe walked out of the office with very mixed expressions.

"He uh... wants to see you, Hisoka."

Calmly, Hisoka walked into the office, ignoring everyone's eyes. He closed the door and stepped up to the desk.

"Kurosaki, you are relieved of your field-mission tomorrow. Do tell Mr. Tsuzuki that his report is still due tomorrow."

Hisoka blinked. "...Why?"

"That will be all," Tatsumi simply said, smiling.

Hisoka blinked. _What's this... feeling? _He walked out, spooked.

Tatsumi snorted quietly and sat back, looking at the cherry blossoms blooming across the lake through his window. _You ask me why I do these things, Mr. Tsuzuki. _He smiled, standing and approaching the window. _It's because I love you._


End file.
